you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
