So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
