i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
