I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Two words: blizzard sex
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
