The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
