So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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