I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just took my morning after pill in the library
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize