Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
