Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
