What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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