Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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