If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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