Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize