the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
