Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
