There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
