Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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