The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
