i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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