I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
