last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
