There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
