I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
