nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
