I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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