How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
