how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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