He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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