ugly people sure do ruin things
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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