my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
