Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
