He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
