Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
if only i could text you this smell
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
