everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
