Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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