Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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