Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
