fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
