Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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