If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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