im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
