He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
