gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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