At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
