The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We are all done wearing pants today
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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