sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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