Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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