That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
