proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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