i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize