so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
