Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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