whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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