my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
