Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
