i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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