so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
