I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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