youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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