swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
