Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
