I'm gonna have a badass scar
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
