Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
