dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
