the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize