Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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