That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
