Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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