Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
