i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
