I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
