Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
