Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
