drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
This is my gift to your gina
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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