my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
