we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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