Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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