I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
