I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
