Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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