i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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