so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
