On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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