Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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