I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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