he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
