I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
