I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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