May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
