there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
