I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
