Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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