I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
