Ambien. No doubt about it.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
