He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
