We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
