Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
