We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
