My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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