when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
