the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
